Last letter to Kate

 Reconnected with some friends this week that I had not seen in 10+ years and who did not know about Kate's fight with cancer. Our conversations inspired me to share my last message to Kate on September 1, 2013...three months before her death.

Kate-

Sue texted me this past Tuesday and told me that you had requested to be transferred to hospice care. That simple message hit me harder than I expected. I suppose that knowing that you were still fighting gave me a glimmer of hope that I would be able to continue to have you in my life and in the same world at the same time. I knew that my recent visit to Santa Rosa was to say "goodbye," but your continuing treatment allowed me to pretend that it was an overdue visit to an "old friend" (al la Prof. Hadley Arkes). Hearing that you, the ultimate fighter, had called an end to treatment said a lot.

So that you know, I believe that making this decision took a lot of courage and wisdom. And I hope that you are using this time...however the fuck you want to! Because that is your prerogative.

As I drove home Tuesday, I thought about the fact that I was going to need to explain some of this to some of the people I work with. (BTW - I work with some really great and special people.) Talking about my "ex-wife" just didn't seem to convey who you have been and are in my life. So how do I explain it? Here are some of the phrases that came to mind as I exited 280 onto Woodside Road (a familiar path from when we lived in that cottage in Los Altos):

1) She's the reason I came to California
2) She's the reason I got into sales
3) She's the reason I got into triathlons

4) Without Kate and the above, I wouldn't know any of y'all...because sales + triathlons led me to Oracle (via David Belden...who I met through Kate)

That was kind of intense. Then gravity took it one step further:

California + sales + triathlon -> was critical to my meeting Lindsay...to my having the family and the life that I have and love today. None of this would have happened without Kate Yang and the experiences (joyous and painful) that we shared from 1997 - 2003 (yes, 2003...I still remember and appreciate the concert that your band, Arcana Dei, did at PoundSF for the Team in Training benefit I hosted. It was a great show. The Pebble Theory guys were good. Y'all were great.)

(BTW - for ironic/ comic relief, I am sipping Bowmore Legend scotch as I write this. About 9 months ago I developed a somewhat nostalgic taste for your dad's go-to Scotch that we drank in Tahoe senior year. I think he was overly harsh on Ridge Wines, but he was right on Bowmore.)

The above landed right before I got to my driveway...in Redwood City...about 2 miles from the center of my "territory" at Edward Jones, my first sales job. The one you supported and challenged me to take.

Then I realized that some of the last comments I shared with you in Santa Rosa were a massive understatement. I said "I can draw a straight line from everything that is good in my life to the experiences we shared." I hope you will attribute this understatement to a combination of my remaining Southern-ness and a penchant for poetic devices. But you could also say that I just hadn't yet come to grips with what a massively important part of my life I was on the verge of losing.

And here's the thing. It's not about the coincidence of events from numbers 1-4 above. Those things happening on their own would not have led to the life I have today. Those things led to the life I have today because you saw greatness in me, and you refused to let me settle for being anything less. "She saw the potential in you before any other woman did...and I reaped the benefits." (Direct quote from Lindsay approx. 90 seconds ago as she stopped by to check in on me as I wrote this message.) I think she just summed this point up, so I am just going to say "thank you." And yes, sometime support does look like a kick in the ass. It worked. Thank you.

Kate, you are an amazing, beautiful, brilliant and talented woman. I am bored to the point of nausea when I think of where my life could have ended up without time we shared. Where would I be now? Atlanta? Charlotte? Maybe as far from home as Richmond, Virginia? But instead we threw the anchor in the deep end and moved to Rotterdam, NL to start the adult journey.

Thank you. Thank you for seeing greatness in me and for standing for me having that, and nothing less.

You have made a huge difference in the lives of many people, and I wanted to share some more insights on the impact you made on mine.

I will miss you.

I love you.

Your friend always,

Wallace...Senator...Walla-che..

Bike Shopping

I love bike shopping, perhaps even more than bike buying. Below are tips I recently share with a friend in the market for a new road bike. It's the synthesis of key lessons I've learned buying bikes over the past fifteen years. Hope it's useful...

The most important factors in picking a bike are:

#1 -> Fit. This is 5x as important as all other factors combined. A $10K bike that doesn't fit you will make you miserable. A good bike shop will spend some time taking your measurements before they even select a bike for you to test ride. This is a ROM sizing to determine what size frame(s) you should consider. Once you select the bike you want to buy, you should expect a formal, comprehensive fitting. These usually take at least an hour and involve adjusting and swapping out various parts to ensure you are optimally aligned with your bike. When purchased after-market, they cost at least $100 for the service alone. A good bike shop will include it with the purchase of the bike. Also good to do this at time of purchase b/c the shop will generally swap in/out comparable parts of different sizes (eg. stems, bars, seat posts) for no cost. 

#2 -> Feel. Every bike has a different feel based on multiple factors. Below are some general insights, but nothing replaces test riding them. Given you budget, there are a LOT of good bikes out there. I recommend test riding at least 4 bikes (at multiple shops) before picking one. If you've never ridden a bike of this level before, you'll love the first one you ride. because it is so superior to anything else you've ridden. Use this as a baseline, and see if others can top it. You'll know when you find your bike. Mine spoke to me when I met her in 2003. She said, "Let's GO!"

Test Ride Tips

-Go for at least a 10-20 minute ride that has flats, hills, descents. Most shops have recommended routes

-Ask the shop to inflate the tires to target pressure before your ride, usually 110-120 psi. This is important to getting a consistent read of how a bike feels. If you ride a bike with tires at 80psi, it will feel smoother than it actually is. If a shop gives you a funny look for insisting on this, I wouldn't buy from them.

Frames

-Carbon - this is my favorite, and at your price range there are lots of quality options available. Carbon offers a great balance of light weight, smooth ride and responsiveness. My go-to bike is a carbon Kestrel Talon.

-Steel - this is my second favorite. My back up bike (my first road bike) is a steel frame Schwin. Steel offers a very smooth ride.However, it is less popular these days as carbon become more affordable. Tends to be reserved for entry level bikes...and very high end custom bikes -> http://www.steelmancycles.com/

-Aluminum - popular material that is very light and responsive...but tends to be a rougher ride than carbon or steel. Still there are lots of high quality aluminum bikes out there. Lindsay adores her aluminum Cervelo P2K. 

-Titanium - don't test ride one of these unless you are comfortable with the price tag. People I know that ride ti bikes swear by them. I've never ridden one b/c I know I can't afford it, so I don't want to know.

Components

-You should expect Shimano Ultegra or Campagnolo Chorus at this price level. The next steps up are Shimano Dura Ace or Campagnolo Record, but these add at least $1K to the bike and are the UE of cycling

-Gears - you'll likely get a double-chain ring up front with 10 speeds in the back. Tell them you are planning to ride lots of hills and want a cassette (back gears) fit for climbing. Largest cog should have 27-28 teeth. 

Brands

-Giant - lots to offer

-Trek - one of the original carbon bike makers. Ride several of these.

-Cannonade - lots of models. Mostly aluminum. Very reputable

-Bianchi - very established Italian bike. Make some very nice steel frames.

-Calfee - an elite carbon bike maker. Entry level models should be in your budget range and are excellent bikes. They are the Aston Martin of bikes. Refined and smooth as butter. Worth finding a dealer near you to test one our. I almost bought a Calfee 10 years ago, but then I test rode my Kestrel Talon

-Kestrel - Santa Cruz based carbon bike specialists. I picked my Talon over a Calfee I test rode the same day because in addition to being smooth, she had more fire. Maserati to Calfee's Aston Martin. Amazed to see online that they are selling these with Shimano 105 components these days (mid-range). If you ride a Kestrel, look for Ultegra.

Accessories

-If you are shopping for this level of bike, you should plan to spend ~ $500 on accessories as well

-Pedals - bikes at this level don't include pedals. Riders tend to have their own POV on pedals and wand to specify. I use Look pedals. Lindsay uses Shimano Dura Ace (aka The Lance Pedal). If I were starting over (and had not already built my system around Look pedals), I would buy Shimano Dura Ace pedals ($200). Shimano Ultegra pedals ($140) could be an acceptable substitute. Speed Play is another popular and good brand.

-Shoes - Expect to spend $150-$200 here. Don't skimp on shoes and pedals. These are to cycling what boots and bindings are to skiing -> the most critical connection point between you and your bike.

-Gloves - Protect your hands. I prefer long finger gloves year round as they offer better protection...esp. when cleaning glass shards off my wheels while rolling.

-Spares - tubes, tires, cleats. I'd buy back ups when you buy the bike. Otherwise, when something breaks you have to go back to the shop...and risk missing that day's ride.

-Helmet - assuming you have one already, but you may want to optimize for a light weight, well ventilated one. Giro and Bell are best brands. Nothing < $100 / lots available between $100-150

-Accessories are where bike shops make their money. They make little margin on bikes, so don't expect much price flexibility. A good bike shop wants you to fall in love with the sport and come back to them for all of your accessory and maintenance needs. (BTW - tuning and adjustments for a bike you buy from them should be free for at least 1 year.)

Electoral Arithmetic

This is going to be a close election on Tuesday. While I have avoided social media campaigning, below are several thoughts I wanted to share before the polls open.

"It's the economy, stupid." While this slogan made James Carville famous (and Bill Clinton president) in 1992, no one would pay for this insight today. It's a given.

Perhaps too much emphasis is being placed on the domestic economy. Perhaps too little attention is being paid to the responsibility the winner of this election will have for leading the United States through increasingly complex foreign policy decisions.

But back to my bank statements...

The US economy advances at a glacial pace. It can falter or collapse much more quickly.

There are few things a president can do to support economic growth, and they take years to take effect...usually more than four. Remember that the "good years" under Clinton didn't kick in until his second term, and the current administration inherited a much larger mess than he did.

There are even fewer things a president can do to prevent massive economic failures, and he/she must do them quickly. While the opposition claims to value the natural selective forces of the free market, do they really think we would be better of today by having let GM fail? Does anyone remember that the US industrial machine (and GM in particular) has been a vital element of US success in times of war?

What's my point? The current administration has made multiple decisions in the past four years that helped lessen the impact of fiscal issues that had been compounding for the better part of the prior decade. It has made multiple decisions designed to begin to stabilize the economy and improve the future. The tone of much of the challenger's messaging seems to say "The economy hasn't recovered. They didn't deliver." I find it offensive that they think that voters will buy this.

There are many other differences between the current administration and the challenger...and probably more than a few similarities. I just hope those factor more heavily into voters' Tuesday decisions than the challenger's positioning of the current administration's economic record.
-HammerHead


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Setting Pace in Brain Buckets

Will and Henry were setting pace on helmet usage at yesterday's block party. Does it make me a dork that I take pride in this? ...that my boys are growing up thinking that helmets are cool because their daddy started quoting USATriathlon rules* when they got their first tricycles?



It's a small victory but a sweet one. The overwhelming majority of toddler-centric dialogue inside our house focuses and responds to the fact that Will does NOT listen to much of what we ask him to do. So an outdoor, public display of a time that he does listen to us is worth celebrating, especially since Henry will copy his every move. -HammerHead

*USATriathlon helmet rule -> your helmet must be on and buckled before your leg crosses your bike's top tube. Period.

Back in Business

It's been a while since I posted here. My absence has been a product of distraction, laziness and perfectionism. Basically I thought that if I didn't have time to write an honors-thesis-quality post, then it wasn't worth writing. I finally got over it, so here's to Daddy Blogging 2.0!

What is the smallest size that they make cycling jerseys in? Will already has matching helmet, strider bike and Oakley's. Well, technically he's borrowing the Oakley's, but he knows he can use them whenever he wants to.
I am seriously looking forward to pace-lining down Canada Road and Foothill Expressway when the boys are old enough to ride...and draft. Given how quickly Will has picked up balance on his strider, I'm thinking 10 could be the right age to put the hammer down with Dad.
Of course I know, intellectually, that if he doesn't like cycling when he's older, I need to be ok with that. Kind of like how my dad, who only recently retired from recreational baseball, had to accept that I quit his sport after my first season of tee ball. But Will certainly does love his bike. I wonder when he'll be able to convince me to buy him one with pedals. -HammerHead

Location:Grand St,Redwood City,United States

Ruby & Sue

"You might live in the Bay Area if...you have more Subaru Outbacks than you do children."

Meet Ruby & Sue. Will liked Sue so much that we added Ruby to our family this week.
Pretty good chance that Ruby will be Will's first car in sixteen years.

-HammerHead

"People much less capable than you..."

"...have raised healthy, happy children." -Our Pediatrician at Will's Day-4 checkup

I recently found out that one of my dearest friends is expecting her first child. She asked for advice. So having recently entered my rookie year of parenthood, I decided to share what I have learned in the past twelve months. I also borrowed heavily from the tone of Kurt Vonnegut's "Trust me on the sunscreen" address.

----------------------------------

I am not sure which is more simultaneously terrifying and exciting:

-The thought of my son hanging out with your son while chasing girls and playing the "I'm more Irish, and I can prove it!" game.

or

-The thought of my son chasing your daughter.

I was discussing it with him recently on the changing table. He smiled largest at the latter. Kid's got his priorities straight already.

Food is key to surviving the first several months. A good community will line up meals for y'all for several weeks. If people even hint at this, enthusiastically say "yes!" One of the smartest things my wife did was making double recipees of all of our favorite meals several months before her due date and freezing half of them. We still have not really needed to cook a meal. Blessing.

The Baby Industrial Complex is the best friend and channel partner of the Wedding Industrial Complex. It promotes more useless gear than Sharper Image.

Register. This makes gift management much easier for people throwing you showers...and lets you return stuff you don't like / need easily in exchange for stuff you really do want / need.

Shop at Target. Target has most of the essentials without the fluff (wipes warmers, electronic kick counters)

You will get conflicting advice. Take that which empowers you. Disregard that which does not.

Pick a pediatrician with some gray hair and an interesting undergraduate major. Ours graduated from Berkeley in the early 80's with a BA in Rhetoric. We discussed that and his favorite novels at Will's first check up. Very useful for the sanity of two neurotic but literary parents.

"Many people less capable than you have raised perfectly healthy, happy children." Our pediatrician's parting comments during that first visit.

Anesthesiologists can be your best friend in the 10th month, and there is nothing wrong with that. More on that in my most recent blog post "Jet Pilots and Left Tackles."

Boy or girl really doesn't matter. Lindsay wanted a boy. I was hoping for a girl...even after we found out we were having a boy. And I completely forgot this as soon as he showed up.

And trust me, don't forget that people much less capable than you...

-Wallace

PS - Don't forget the Butt Paste - http://www.buttpaste.com/